Who are the Five People You Spend the Most Time With?

The inspirational speaker Jim Rohn says “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” This quote has changed the way I view my friendships. If I can only be as good as the five people I spend my time with, then I need to make sure I’m picking people who I most want to emulate. People whose qualities I admire and who inspire me to access my highest level of consciousness. So, what does this say about the friends who leave you feeling down, sad, discouraged, or angry? I say, set boundaries and reduce the amount of time you spend with them.

Recently, I experienced the downside of spending time with people whom I don’t want to be the “average of.” I had a long weekend (5 days off of work!), and yet by the end of the weekend I didn’t have much to show for it. Aside from resting, reading, and spending quality time with my partner and our two dogs, I didn’t feel like I accomplished very much. I spent a considerable amount of the holiday weekend with new friends, but after leaving them I found myself feeling sad, discouraged and down. I decided to take inventory: why was I feeling this way? I decided that had I spent that time with some of my best friends (my top five, if you will) I might have ended that weekend feeling energized, rejuvenated, and productive.

Friends that feed your soul are blessings, keep them close, and spend as much time as you can with them. Because guess what? The way you see those friends is the way others will see you. If you’re on a spiritual journey towards heightened awareness, or self-enlightenment, your friends should be supporting you on this journey. Spending time with people who leave you feeling joyous and full of love makes it easier for you to access your own inner love, wisdom, and light. It’s also easy to get pulled down by the low vibration energies and “sink to their level” if you’ve heard that expression before. Low vibe people bring others down. So, it’s very hard to access the emotions needed to gain higher consciousness when you surround yourself with people who are consistently angry, fearful, and full of shame / guilt.

A smattering of my most treasured friendships that help me vibe sooooo high!

Breaking up with friends is a tough business. Sometimes we take a gamble on a new set of friends and learn to set boundaries quickly. Other times you can sort of wake up realizing a seemingly good friend is actually a really bad person for you to spend time with. How would you know this? Take note… think about what it feels like when you’re done spending time together. What are the general emotions that you’re left with after existing in each other’s energy fields. Do they uplift you, inspire you, encourage you, allow you to be vulnerable, authentic, genuine? If you answered six no’s, then I’d say, it’s time to break up! It may seem sad saying goodbye to a childhood friend, or a work buddy who’s helped you through tough times, but it is nearly impossible to grow into your fullest potential if the people you surround yourself with aren’t helping you be a better version of you.

I recommend taking a friend inventory every once and a while. Write down the people you’ve spent the most time with over the last month or so. You can even rank who you spend the most time with. Now, next to each person’s name, write some emotions you feel after spending time together. You can start to color code which friends are purple, green, and red. Refer to the graphic showcasing vibrations and colors associated with emotions presented on the “Divinity Within” page of my website, created by David Hawkins. Only you can control your emotions, but the energy fields you surround yourself with DO have an impact on how high or low you can vibe. It can be shocking when you go back and look at a calendar to realize how much time you may spend with someone who actually leaves you feeling like shit. Why are you doing this to yourself? Break free!

In my experience, there are two ways to break up with a friend, and it’s up to you to decide what will work best in your situation. The first way is the “silent” way. Can you put up more boundaries casually and gradually so that there doesn’t need to be a difficult talk or awkward conversation? I suggest not making up excuses but say something simple like, “I don’t want to hang out today. How about next month?” Try seeing them only once a month and see how that feels. Then you can reduce the time you spend with them more and more until they aren’t a significant part of your life. The other way, which is sometimes necessary if you’re extremely close to this person but need to break free, is by having the hard conversation. Ask to get coffee or a meal and explain the journey you’re going on and be honest. Remember to use “I” statements. Here’s an example, “I think our friendship is very one-sided. I’m there for you, but I don’t think you respect the journey that I’m on. In order to be the next best version of myself, I think it’s best if we limit the amount of time we spend together.” The same way you may break up with a romantic partner, you can break up with a friend. Is it hard? Of course! Will feelings get hurt? Absolutely! But I promise you, you will grow in ways you can’t imagine.

Now, please be judicious with how you are observing and judging your feelings after friend hangouts. There’s a big difference between friends that consistently vibe low and bring you down vs. a friend that is going through a difficult time. You’d want a friend to be there for you if you were going through a rough patch, so please, be there for your friend! Perhaps they just broke up with a romantic partner, had a death in the family, received a tough medical diagnosis, or some other terrible life event occurred. Bad things happen in our lives, oftentimes to push us out of our comfort zones (refer to my blog on comfort zones here). Help your friend rise up from the ashes, encourage your friend, support your friend, and maybe even give tough love to your friend! But, also take note of your own personal energy. It's okay to be there emotionally for a friend going through a tough time while also setting a boundary for your own health and happiness.

We only get one life, spend your time with the people who help you live out your highest vision of yourself. And start setting boundaries around the ones who don’t, until you eventually are only surrounding yourself with those who you’d be proud to be associated with, proud to act like, sound like, and look like. “Do away with people wasting [your] precious time!” – Jefferson Airplane

You have the power to create your own reality, so help yourself out by only allowing high vibing people into your energy field.