Be Your You-iest You!

Your gift to the world is you. And the best way to give the gift of you to the universe is to be your most authentic self at all times. As I like to put it, I try to be the “Danniest version of Dannie” I can be at any given moment. I challenge you to do the same! However, our society can make it very challenging for people to feel like they can truly be themselves. There are stigmas around acting a certain way, pressure to represent yourself in a certain role, and fear of not being liked if you act like yourself.

Typically, I feel most authentic after doing something I love, like yoga!

I’ve been at my current company, BranchPattern, for over six years. I remember on my first day my friend asked me “how long are you going to wait before you let them see how weird you are?” Ha! I actually responded with “as long as I can.” At the time, I was very concerned with what my new co-workers thought about me. I wanted to be perceived as professional, smart, and like I knew what I was doing. The role I was in was slightly out of my comfort zone, and to be honest, I was pretty nervous about how I’d perform and whether or not I would be liked in my new role. Thankfully, on the second day, my co-worker asked if I wanted to take our meeting outside on the plaza. I agreed, but very quickly realized that may not have been the best idea. I have a completely irrational fear of pigeons, and they were EVERYWHERE. I kept asking us to move as one, two, or a whole flock would approach us. We barely got a sentence out before I had to ask us to relocate. I finally had to admit I had an incredibly debilitating fear of a tiny bird, and my weirdness just spilled out of me!

I came home from my second day on the job and reported back to my friend, “welp, it took me two days before I let them see how weird I am.” In retrospect though, I am so glad that it only took two days for me to let my guard down and show them who I really am. The one incident permitted me to suddenly be my most authentic self with every co-worker, in every situation. I truly believe you can only do your BEST work when you are living as your truest most authentic self.

Moments over my time at BranchPattern when I've felt it easy to be myself!

At this year’s BranchPattern holiday party, which was my 7th since being at the firm, we had a few new employees attending their first holiday party. One of the new people recently graduated from college and just started at the company one month ago. He asked the wife of one of the partners “how should I act? This is my first holiday party.” And, thankfully she responded, “just be you! Don’t act any way at all.” How great is that advice? I am so grateful to work at a company that encourages and supports us to all be ourselves – no acting required! And it was so amazing to see the new hire at the end of the night dancing with all his new co-workers, obviously not caring what anyone thinks. Acting is so exhausting!

If you find yourself changing your behavior, how you dress, the way you talk, or altering your actions to oblige someone else try taking note of why you’re doing these things. Why are you so concerned with what others think of you? Why are you embarrassed to exhibit the most authentic version of you? Why are you in a situation where you are altering your true self?

Now, we all live in a society, with rules and regulations, and sometimes we need to adapt. There are times where we may need to be more professional than our most authentic self would be or change our language to respect the people we are with (ahem, using less f-bombs around Grandma…), or put on a more conservative outfit than we wish to wear. Of course, there are moments where it’s respectful to alter yourself slightly. But take note of these circumstances. How often are you in them? Who surrounds you in these moments? Most importantly, take note of how you feel after having to alter your true self or after you find yourself acting.  

It's probably important to note that there are many examples in which BIPOC need to adjust their behaviors to fit specific environments (especially at work), often referred to as  “code-switching.” I am not an expert in this type of behavioral adjustment, but would love to hear your experience if you’re open to sharing! I found this article incredibly helpful and insightful.

Being "weird" (aka, myself) at this year's Holiday Party with some very amazing co-workers!

If you’re in these situations pretty consistently or regularly where you feel like you cannot be you, try to find ways to get out of those situations. The hardest to change, in my opinion, is how you “act” with family. Sometimes you can feel expected to fit a certain role when you’re with family members, like the role of daughter or sister. It’s ingrained in us from a young age to “be good” to appease your parents and/or siblings. However, I challenge you to start incorporating parts of you that are really you with those people. Over time, show them who you really are! A great example is a religious ritual you grew up doing with a parent. If, for example, going to church now makes you feel incredibly uncomfortable because you can’t be you, or you feel judged unless you’re constantly acting, then don’t go! Sure, your mom or dad may be disappointed that you no longer want to accommodate them during the holidays, but it’s so important that we can truly express ourselves and be true to ourselves and our needs. We should be more comfortable with disappointing others if it means changing the way they perceive us in order to be more authentic, thereby making ourselves better. If the other people truly love you for who you are, they will understand your need to express yourself completely and wholly. And, if they don’t, please see my blog on removing toxic or negative people form your circle.

I’m giving you permission to no longer feel like you have to fit a mold. I want you to truly feel like you can be yourself – the you-iest version of you! Try your best to remove yourself from people and situations who make you feel like you’re acting or pretending. Find the people who not only allow you, but encourage you to express yourself. It’s so much easier and you will start seeing your life fall into place and click in ways you can’t even imagine. You will find your calling and higher purpose by embracing who you are and who you were born to be. It takes time to keep leaning into and discovering who that person really is. But, by being with people and encouraging yourself to be you, life will get much easier, be more fun, and feel more complete - I promise!